Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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