Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
