I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
