so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
