Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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