I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize