I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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