somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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