Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
