He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Randomize
