But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He kissed a someone with a penis
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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