my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
