if you like me you must not know who I am
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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