Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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