there's paper in my vomit.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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