It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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