I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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