Just cropdusted the office
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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