The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
