If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
