what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
