I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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