Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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