Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
