it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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