so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
