Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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