we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's never too late to be topless.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
