if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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