Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
