Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
