Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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