You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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