she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
