curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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