Pants 0. Shit 1.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
