i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
