shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The Olympian is in my bed
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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