I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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