I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
