she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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