So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
