I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
His nipple licking is glorious
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