Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
