my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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