I want to make a zoo with you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
