my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
