he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
