I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
