i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
