is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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