i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need to stop coming to work sober
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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