Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize