True but thats because hes a fetus.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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