I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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