I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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