Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
