she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
