Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
