Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
