he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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