the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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