youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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