Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
